Clinical  Depression

A By-Product of Abuse

And a Lack of Serotonin in the Brain

We take this opportunity to welcome visitors to our new website. We did not design our site to just sell books. We want it to be helpful and informative. The range of subjects will be varied. We welcome your input on issues you would like to see addressed here, as well. We will also welcome your feedback to any article published here.

Since our latest publication deals with Clinical Depression,  we asked the author to submit an article for this page. The world of medicine and psychiatry now recognize that some incidents of depression can be brought on by a lack of serontonin in the brain. Oftentimes, the right medicine can correct that problem. In my case, the hard core drugs of psychiatry did not work for me and caused hallucinations. Thankfully, my doctor subscribed the drug nortriptylin. It got me back on track.

However, we must advise that all information on this site has a copyright and cannot be used without the expressed permission of the author and or the publishing company.-Publisher

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Surviving The Storm is a story which had to be written. The subject matter is difficult, compelling and, unfortunately, reflects today’s societal incidents of abuse involving women and children. However, despite the distaste of these acts, they must be brought to the surface and confronted within each victim’s own self.

I must, at this point recogonize that many men and young boys suffer from the same kinds of illness. Therefore, I  must suggest to them, apply the information herein to you issues. I can only speak from a woman's point of view.

On being diagnosed as Clinical Depressive, I took the advice of my psychiatrist, sat down and got those painful incidents outside of me. Once this was done, the actual healing began. This book, by no means, reflect all that I’ve been through. There are yet many things that I refuse to recall. The pain is still too deep.

I have forgiven my abusers, and having done so, I have lessened their power over my emotions and my life, making it is easier for me to heal. Forgiving them, in no way, means that I would resume any type of contact or relationship with them. It just means that now I have less baggage to lug around.  Hate is an awesome load to carry around constantly and it weighs heavily on one’s soul. Imagine starting each new, God-given day reminding yourself why you hate this or that person.  That places you in the position of being held prisoner by your abuser, and your healing will never be complete.

I urge all women who have faced demeaning abuse, whether it started in childhood or adulthood, to seek professional help. The human psyche can only hold just so much pain before it finally breaks down.

One of the major mistakes that we, as women make, is thinking that it is okay for ‘our’ man to hit us and or take "it" from us.’ I’ve heard women say, “He wanted me so bad, he just took it.”  Regardless of how you phrase it, it is still rape, and rape is never okay, whether it is at the hands of husbands, boyfriends, relatives or strangers. We must teach our daughters and sons that it is never okay and no apology can lessen the effect of such a personal violation of self..

The same holds true for physical and/or emotional abuse. If you take the first beating, the second one is sure to come. The purpose of these acts is to instill a measure of fear and control in you. It is that fear which gives the attacker his power.

The signs of an abuser can be subtle at first:

1) An unexpected slap - the apology - followed by passionate love making; vows that it will never happen again. Then, the blame:  ‘I didn’t mean to do that, but when you did or said that, I just lost it.’ 

2) A twist of the arm, a push or other types of physical contact - the apology - followed by passionate love making - the blame.

3) The threat of what will happen to you if you tell anyone.

It’s all premeditated control methods designed to keep you edgy and fearful. Report it, and get yourself out of the situation as soon as it is safe to do so, immediately, if possible. Go imediately to a women's shelter. The only important thing that you cannot leave behind is your child or children.  Shelters are equipped to handle the situation.

It has been proven that women who allow themselves to live in an abusive situation, lacks self esteem. Whether it’s a lack of education, a lack of a positive father figure in your life, or sexual abuse as a child, never continue to live in an abusive situation. The man that hits you or rapes you, is also capable of murder, whether intentional or accidental, you’re still dead.

You can overcome your lack of self esteem through self empowerment. Self empowerment comes through education and job skills training. There are many programs designed especially for women in these situations. Contact your nearest Women’s Center and ask them for help. There are grants available through your Community Colleges.

You will be surprised at just how much a paycheck of your own raises your personal esteem. Whether you earn it flipping burgers, waiting tables or through janitorial services, it doesn’t matter. If it is your means of support while you are working toward a higher education, it is well worth it.

You must also be on the alert for these ‘users’ who often turn into abusers. A few things to watch out for:

1) When you meet a man and the first thing he wants to know is where you work and how much money you make, and then  starts to speak of moving in with you, that is your cue to drop him, immediatelyand run like hell. He is looking for free room and board with extra benefits. If you have children, he could also be a child predator. Regardless of what the story book says, love doesn't happen at first glance.

2) For the single women who are on assistance, and receive food stamps, these predators are looking for you. Learn to spot them on the first encounter. If he invites himself to dinner around the time your check and food stamps are due, that should be your first clue.

3) If he wants to borrow money from you, refer him to a lending institution. Don’t you become one. He will never pay you back.

4) If his car note is due, tell him to get a job and pay it, or catch the bus if he can‘t afford the car he has.

5) If he needs a cell phone, let him get it for himself. He has no intention of paying you for any of these things.

After he ruins you financially, he will simply find someone else to do the same thing to. We must remember that love is tender, nurturing, and caring for each other. Not using and abusing.

When Grace Stuberg was going through her ordeals, there were no federal, city, county or state programs to assist women. She had to do what she could to survive. Today’s woman does not have to suffer in that manner. Do not let shame keep you from needed help.

Form support groups in your cities and neighborhoods to share information. And as you do, leave the shared information in the room in which it was shared. Do not go outside and reveal the problems of others, not even to your closest friend or mate. If they want it told, let them do the telling.

I have been asked why I have chosen to reveal such personal things about my life. The person asking suggested that I should be ashamed of it, and seek to hide it. I must confess that I labored long and hard before putting these remembrances on paper. Then I remembered what the psychiatrist said. “You must get those things outside of you, in order to heal.”

I realize now, that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I did not order these happenings into my life. Neither did I cause them to happen. However, looking back, I can see that all these things have come together to make me the person I am today, and I am proud of who I am. Were I to change anyone of those things, my final outcome could have been totally different, and not necessarily for the better.

Surviving The Storm has brought me completely into the Circle of Christ. I believe in Him, I trust in Him and I know Him. And by knowing Him, I also know His Father, the immeasurable, immaculate, incorruptible, ineffable, unnamable God. Had I lived a perfect life, I might would be moved to only thank Him for that perfection. Now when I thank Him, I know I truly have something to be thankful for.

In closing, I will say to you, “Just remember to Keep Christ in the center of your life circle. He emanates from all sides.”

Previously Published - November 2003